Law School Reputation

This is something I worried about a lot when law school first started. In undergrad I was known to be a party girl. Upon entering professional school where how I conduct myself supposedly is a more serious matter, I felt compelled to try and portray myself in a different light. You know, drop that party girl image and be more grown up and mature. I’m in a new city, among new people, I can start over and they would be none the wiser.

And then the excuses started rolling in.

Work hard, play hard. I’m a week ahead in the reading. I want to have a social life and not be a slave to the library. I’m in a new city, I want to be able to experience it. Beer is so much cheaper in Florida than in Illinois, how can I say no to $2.50 pitchers??

I think I realized that I just don’t care anymore. This is me. It’s not like I don’t get my work done. It’s not like I go out to the bars every night of the week. Should I feel guilty for having the reading done while everyone else is struggling to keep up? Should I be ashamed that I like to have a good time? At the same time, I suppose I can see how others would misinterpret my priorities.

They say law school is like high school and I find that they’re right. It is a lot like high school. This is not a good thing- in fact it really pisses me off. I have other girls who already hate me because some boy they like is into me. Maybe there’s some other girls who are no longer the hot girl and resent me because they think I’m a threat when they’re vying for guys’ attention. I knew that I would have to deal with gunners and assholes in law school, but I never thought I’d have to deal with IGNORANT people. Apparently it’s going around the douchebag crowd that I’m a feminist. I may be a strong female but I am by no means a FEMINIST. These people who think they can walk on water also really irritate me. I can’t wait for the semester grades to come in and see how that changes their attitude.

I have always minded my own business. I have always avoided drama to the best of my ability but find that for some reason I’m just a character that other people, for whatever reason, love to start shit with. They think they can bully me and think that just because everyone else lets them get away with it, that I will do the same. I am not the sort to go down without a fight. I am not the sort to be pushed around. These people have no idea who they’re messing with.

It’s really sad that these people have nothing better to do than gossip and act like they’re in high school. How professional is that?

Putting it to rest

I won’t deny that a tiny part of me has been hoping that we would find our way back to each other. He is the one who got away. With our complicated history, I guess I was just wishing that it wasn’t in vain. But I truly believe that if we were meant to be together, we would have found a way to one another by now. Being in a strange new place, I often wonder if what I feel right now is what he went through when he moved away last year. It makes me reach out to him, because he should understand the position I’m at currently. I suppose I also hoped it would bring us closer, but the fact of the matter is, physically we are far, far away from each other and that mirrors our mental and emotional state.

Il n’y a que les montagnes qui ne se rencontrent jamais.

Literal translation: Only mountains never meet.

(There are none so distant that fate can’t bring together).

Almost Lover

I’m going home this weekend and I found out 20 minutes ago that so is he. Of course, our schedules don’t match up and we won’t see each other. That’s just how these things work.  Starcrossed much? I was talking to Tim about him earlier today. I don’t think we’ll ever be together. It’s something that took a while for me to come to terms with. We still occasionally talk to each other because we just want to hold onto something familiar. Us being apart has romanticized/idealized whatever we had. He said he wished he could see me. That’s something he never said when he moved away, that’s something he barely said when we lived in the same state. I still have moments when I grab my phone with the intention of calling/texting him and I forget that I took him out of my contacts so I could keep my sanity.

I would have loved to have seen him this weekend.

Update- Guys in Orlando

So of course I move to Orlando with the intentions of being focused on my studies. Except the school just had to let in all these 2 gorgeous guys. One is another 1L such as myself, while the other is a 3L. At first it wasn’t a distraction because I didn’t think they’d give me the time of day. Yeah well I was wrong on at least one count. One has been watching me longer than I’ve been watching him. I run into both of them all the time. It’s a small campus, not to mention I have classes with one of them. And I just may let the fact that the other guy is in an extracurricular group slightly (very minuscule) influence my decision to join. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s a bad idea to do anything in this professional yet sometimes high school-like environment I’m in.

Second Week of Class

• First and foremost, I am tired all the time because class is so mentally exhausting.
• I need 2 or 3 coffee breaks throughout the day otherwise I won’t make it.
• With the exception of 2 classes, we’re behind with going over the material which gives me the false feeling that law school is easier than I thought it would be. I wonder when it’s going to smack me upside the head or if the law school hype is unfounded.
• I came into this with the intent to have school as my sole focus, but at the same time I wanted to make having a social life a priority. I’m a week ahead in the readings for every class, but because everyone else is scrambling the night before to get their shit done, I barely have people to go out with on the weekend. I guess they don’t know how to time manage?
• When people say it’s like high school, oh my God, IT IS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL. I don’t have to ask for this information, everyone just fucking blabs to me.
• I think 2 people already dropped out of my section.

Belle/Beauty

I changed my mind for my costume when I saw this. I’ve been wanting to be her for a long time but never saw a costume I liked. I just ordered it this morning, so this is it! I now have a Halloween costume and I’m pretty damn excited.

If I Can Be Honest

After two days of orientation and one left to go, I have discovered two things so far:

1) There’s a group of students I already don’t like. I know we’re supposed to be collegial and friendly, and believe me I will be nothing but civil with them. However there’s a part of me that would love to tell them off. It’s a co-ed group who I’ve dubbed the Gossip Girls. For whatever reason they chose to chat, snicker, and be obnoxious during every single presentation and speaker on the first day. I thought it was extremely rude to our dean and professors, fellow classmates and 1Ls. I was irked because like many others around me WANTED to hear what was being said. This is our future at stake and I guess they’re not taking it seriously. It showed they were immature, and I was not the only one who thought so. They made enemies pretty quickly.

2) I already found two really good people to be around. We met before orientation and after the course of a few days, it feels like we’ve known each other for months. Meeting them has definitely added to my excitement to start law school, knowing that a support system with people who are taking this as serious as I am. Which is not to say that we don’t know how to have fun, but we do have our priorities straight. I was definitely a little nervous about my colleagues and if I would be able to form friendships with them (the whole competing with each other thing is such a downer), but they’re pretty spectacular and has made the whole experience enjoyable so far.

Other miscellaneous things: books cost me over $800 and I still need to bet a Black’s Law Dictionary and two books for class, I had a terrible experience doing moot court in undergrad but I think I want to face my fears and try out for the team next semester. I put in 5 hours of homework today doing an assignment for criminal law next week. Somehow I feel as if it wasn’t enough or maybe my professors are just going easy on me because it’s not even the first week.

Passion for Music

Many conversations I’ve had so far since being in Orlando have been about music. It stands out to me because I think I’m usually talking about movies and book adaptations for film, or some fun night out on the town. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about music this much in the span of a week. I listen to a huge variety so it’s hard to to list everything off the top of my head (especially when inebriated). It could also be that these people were musicians, but I wouldn’t define them solely as musicians. I do listen to a lot of poppy, top 40 stuff. The first person didn’t hold this against me. I also shared with him that I listened to artists like IL Divo, Sara Bareilles, A Fine Frenzy, Brandi Carlile, Emerson Hart, and Amy Winehouse. It’s not something I usually tell people because they more often than not, haven’t heard some of them. I also don’t like letting people get a glimpse of what would be considered a softer side of me.

The second person being more of a music snob, thought he had me summed up when I said Fall Out Boy was pretty much my favorite band. He then insulted me by saying that I was not passionate about music because I liked Fall Out Boy. I have since turned him around and proven how “passionate” I am. We went to the beach the other day and I got to play music from his Ipod touch. Which I had very slim pickings to work with, so maybe he’s the one with the crappy taste in music! He was of course analyzing all my song choices, trying to read too much into them. He came to the conclusion that I listen to people who are passionate in their songs. You know, people who are just bursting with raw emotion in their music. On the way home, I sang my little heart out. I can’t remember the last time I did that. It felt so good, it was like I was releasing something. If I hadn’t already won him over, my singing in the car definitely would have sealed his fate.

Section and Class Schedule

I found out what section I’m, and I actually know (barely) some of the other students. I was going to be roommates with one, and the other I reached out to since I used to live in his hometown. It adds to my comfort level that at least I’ll know some faces come orientation. I also got my schedule, which is completely different from what I was expecting. I knew the 8 o’clock classes would be present but it just was more real to see it on paper. What I didn’t expect was most of my days I have huge gaps between classes. Some days I have an early morning class and then don’t have another class until 3. The school more or less is forcing me to stay on campus to study during those 6 hours! I think I’m one of the most calmest people walking into this, but then again I’ve been trying to get into law school for 2 years. There’s only so much worrying and anticipation a person can take after the first year. At least on Fridays I show up at 8 am and I have no more classes afterwards. I can go back to sleep, do the studious thing and work on homework so I don’t have outlines and briefs on my mind should I go out later that night, or catch an early flight back to Chicago.

Update- Kind of Settled in Orlando

I slept on the floor the first two days I was here. Before experiencing this, I thought I could stretch this for two weeks or three, however long it would take for me to get a mattress. Yeah well after the second day I woke up and was like “Fuck this!” I went out and bought an air mattress. For the past week I’ve been enjoying the air mattress to the best extent I can, although I’m really hoping I can get a real bed in here soon. I more than underestimated the heat down here. I don’t have furniture either, I think I will be living in an empty apartment until September.